How many times over the past year have you considered just walking away from it all? Ridding yourself of material possessions that are weighing you down, saying “Screw you!” to The Man? Putting your faith in a nebulous higher power to look out for you as you take an epic road trip across the country?
We hear you, and the higher power is here. It’s Oscar Mayer.
The forcemeat purveyor is hiring hotdoggers (yes, that’s a job title) to drive the bright orange, 30-foot-long Wienermobile across the United States for a year. Along with piloting the phallic conveyance, hotdoggers will basically be running a mobile PR firm: showing up for interviews, media and charity events, and fondling (er, shaking) the hands of folks they meet along America’s highways and byways.
The catch? Mr. Mayer is only hiring graduating college seniors, but if that’s you, we say: Follow your hot dog-shaped dreams! Embrace the penis puns and junk jokes! And for the love of god, let photos of your company car be the only unsolicited dick pics you ever send!
Talk to us! Email your experiences (and thoughts, opinions, and questions—anything, really) to firstname.lastname@example.org.